Updated: Feb 15
My love story to give hope and inspiration.
Tuesday morning, I am back from the school run, a mug of coffee and a banging head.
It was a cold but sunny frosty morning in March 2015.
I am sitting on the floor of the latest investment, another wreck of a house, another two-bed semi; it was like groundhog day.
Another standard refurb another three months of hard graft, dust and stress but this time, I was alone and doing it myself, oh AND living in it with my two boys facing life alone as a single mum.
It's funny I never used that term.
I never got to that. We were apart for five months.
If you have been in a relationship for any time, you may know when things get rough.
It's hard to leave, but it's also hard to stay.
I did not leave lightly - it was THE last resort, and it did not work - I suppose I thought he would STOP and become the Daddy I knew he could be. The version of him I really wanted for my boys. At this point I was avoiding looking too hard at myself. Instead I would blame him.
Leaving him was my way to crack it open and stop holding this broken, fragile thing as if it were precious - because it seemed I was the only one who cared about 'US' for a long time.
Of course, any break-up is sad, but I always knew I would be okay deep down.
My motherly instinct was strong. It kicked in, maybe it took over, and I became THE LIONESS. The kids come first. I would repeat to myself.
But there was always wine. That was a given.
Although I have never enjoyed drinking alone, in fact, I didn't enjoy spending time on my own until recently. I love it now but back then, during my' wine is the answer phase,' I knew I had to create some stability, so I tried hard to get into a routine and master the bath time and bedtime routine without a glass of wine or two to end each day.
I suppose it was the little challenge I gave myself.
Some days, I managed, and other days it was just not possible.
I wrote daily affirmations and stuck them on my wall;
I can do this
I am enough
I am loved - all the things that I doubted - I wrote the exact opposite as a FACT under the layers of woodchip I had stripped, my knuckles were raw, but my head was convincing my heart that we were strong.
I can do this; I would repeat as I cried every day in the shower or forced myself to eat.
At no point did I consider alcohol was to blame and that removing it was even an option.
It was never an option to quit.
Until I did.
Today I am 1184 days without alcohol, and my husband is 383 days; if you are in the early days keep going; others are watching, remember you are making them believe this is possible for them too - It is called the ripple effect and it is beautiful.
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