Updated: Feb 28
Ollie has started reading personal development books she has learned that an emotionally strong independent woman knows and states her limits. She can stay in the boundaries of what she knows to be right for her and her life.
Ollie is learning to be more accepting of herself, she can say no to others without guilt, or at least not let feelings of guilt keep her from doing what is best for her health and well being.
Do you ever allow people to treat you in a way that you secretly find unacceptable?
Do you keep the peace by quietly accepting unkind, disrespectful treatment that makes you feel devalued? Then do you quietly resent everyone keeping all of your feelings to yourself for fear of upsetting others?
Before she started to look at her personal development most days, Ollie felt invisible and alone. She isolates herself on purpose and creates situations to prove that she is in fact, as she suspected rejected and not well-liked.
She swings between trying too hard to get the approval of others and accepting she is 'different' like a square peg in a round hole, an imposter in her own life.
As Ollie tries hard to be accepted and approved of by anyone she meets, she has a nasty little habit people-pleasing. One of the symptoms of this trait is that she says yes when she wants to say no.
Just this week she heard herself agreeing to make a zillion decorated cookies for the school party - even though she knows she hasn't got time.
Still, she felt rude for not going to the last meeting so decided in her own way that this would 'pull her right' with whoever she believes had judged her for her absence. No -one thought twice about her absence, and if they did, they would not be worth bothering with.
Right? Well not in Ollies mind
You see the reason she wasn't there was that she was drunk the night before! She got drunk and failed to attend - something she did NOT even want to go to by the way. This has been playing on her mind and she has added it to the list of other nudges she has felt that suggest its time to look at her drinking. It's happening a lot to Ollie recently - nothing major just little nudges that things were not as they should be, she is suddenly aware of how much she is giving herself away and then feeling bad about it and how her drinks mid-week are affecting how she is swinging from something being a great idea to it being the worst idea in the world.
It started with a comment from a friend presuming her typo was a drunken text. Then the simple and kind gesture - "I got you a double cos I know what you like!" Ollie knows her behaviour has been predictable over the years, but no-one wants to be the drunk friend? And now she is failing to attend meetings - granted she didn't actually want to go in the first place but...
It may not seem like it is connected but it is... by learning to be firm and express yourself in the right way, by being clear on your boundaries. What you feel is acceptable then she could avoid all this mess.
Otherwise, she stumbles through life agreeing to things and not turning up then feeling like a bad person or running around keeping everyone else happy.
Does this sound familiar?
Whenever we allow unacceptable treatment and suffer in silence, we ignore our limits and permit others to invade the boundaries of our self-respect.
If we say yes when what we want to say is no, we are setting ourselves up to feel hostile and depressed with only two outcomes - withdrawing from others or blowing your top.
Are you putting what you want below the needs and desires of others in your life?
Think of those closest to you, including yourself which ones get their needs and desires met most readily? Where do you rate by comparison? If you place yourself near the bottom, you are probably giving yourself away.
Use the journal prompts to uncover your truth
Does fear limit your life?
Are you often filling the needs of others before your own?
Do you say yes when you want to say no?
Are decisions difficult for you?
Are your close relationships unsatisfying?
Do you lack self-esteem and confidence?
For more journal prompts, life coaching activities, support and advice join the sober goals programme HERE